Over the past year, I have leaned into an embodiment practice that somehow has stuck. The practice has been to write out short meditations for myself. Often, I refer to them as little body guides. I listen for what I need to hear and then follow them to where I need to go within, under the layers, and into my well. My fingers guide the way, and as the letters follow, one by one, my body responds. By doing this, I have been able to connect to the breaths in between the words and the pause in between what comes next. It has become a deep listening practice that I stumbled upon, and now realize more and more is a secret path that gives me access and leads me inside.
However, this week, I am finding that it has been more challenging to be inside myself. I have noticed the need to close my eyes more often, to try and soothe my breathing, to attempt to rock myself back to sleep after waking from ravishing nightmares, and to let the overwhelmed tears flow when they are needing to.
This week, I have noticed it has been harder to listen to what I need at any given moment as the floodgates into humanity, terror, and pain have been split open, as well as my heart.
This week, my heart has been breaking, and in its brokenness, I wrote a mediation. A meditation, one of my body guides, that I would like to share with you.
Tending to heartbreak.
Every so gently close your eyes.
Soften the tops of your eyebrows, your cheeks, the outline of your jaw.
Follow the air entering and leaving your nose.
Linger there.
Become aware of your body in space.
Where is it?
What is it in contact with?
Welcome your feet and what’s below.
Take in — you.
Sink into — you.
Slip into — you.
Saying hello.
Greeting — you.
Notice, open your internal eyes. What do you see?
Notice, your internal ears. What do you hear?
Notice, your internal sense. What do you feel?
Bring in your back body.
Connect to your spine.
Giving notice when you do —
See if your chest begins to expand and maybe even soften.
Creating some space, some access, to your heart.
Breathe into your heart.
Breathe from your heart.
Listen.
Hear.
Be.
Tend to —
With a hand, with an aching expression, with a weep of tears.
With a sway, with a scream, with a cry out, with a plea.
Wonder —
How else might my body need to speak?
What else might I need to move through?
What else might even call for stillness?
Might you cross your arms and place your hands on opposite shoulders.
Take a breath from your heart, maybe bowing your head towards it.
Towards prayer, a prayer —
To be with.
To whisper —
I am here.
You are not alone.
While you pain.
I’ve got you.
If you feel called to respond in that chat, I would love to hear how that landed for you and what you may have noticed.
Thank you for joining in heart with me.