"It felt as if I had lost a part in the most sought-after play. It was as if they pulled me and replaced me with, dare I say, my understudy—my chosen understudy. But worst of all, in that moment, it seemed the crowd loved the understudy so much better."
Deeply relate to this. I haven't been the favorite parent for a long time now and she's only just approaching 2yo. I say that while I am loved, Dada is the "sun and the moon." It hurts most when she goes to him for something I especially love to do like read her stories.
Reason says, "This is great! Look how free I get to be!" But the guilt leaves me lurking on the edges of their dynamic trying to find a way in. Something he never tries to do when I'm with our kid.
"What I have come to learn is that there is one thing in our home that is not equal, that will never be equal, that is not shared or coexisting—that thing is guilt."
THAT. That's it. Right there. Amanda Montei said in her book "Touched Out" a cool thing which I of course cannot find right now to quote correctly, but basically was about imagining "we could outwit history and culture" in how we parent.
Dana, yes! I love that quote from Touched Out, thank you for brining it here -- it is all so true. There is so much hurt those goes along with parenting, just wishing we could all give ourselves so much more compassion and love. Thank you for reading this piece and for sharing your truth.
"It felt as if I had lost a part in the most sought-after play. It was as if they pulled me and replaced me with, dare I say, my understudy—my chosen understudy. But worst of all, in that moment, it seemed the crowd loved the understudy so much better."
Deeply relate to this. I haven't been the favorite parent for a long time now and she's only just approaching 2yo. I say that while I am loved, Dada is the "sun and the moon." It hurts most when she goes to him for something I especially love to do like read her stories.
Reason says, "This is great! Look how free I get to be!" But the guilt leaves me lurking on the edges of their dynamic trying to find a way in. Something he never tries to do when I'm with our kid.
"What I have come to learn is that there is one thing in our home that is not equal, that will never be equal, that is not shared or coexisting—that thing is guilt."
THAT. That's it. Right there. Amanda Montei said in her book "Touched Out" a cool thing which I of course cannot find right now to quote correctly, but basically was about imagining "we could outwit history and culture" in how we parent.
Dana, yes! I love that quote from Touched Out, thank you for brining it here -- it is all so true. There is so much hurt those goes along with parenting, just wishing we could all give ourselves so much more compassion and love. Thank you for reading this piece and for sharing your truth.
Beautifully written. X
Thank you Lauren fo reading along and for all of your support.