I so feel all of this. I have written about rage before with my two and I feel like it links to my menstrual cycle, which it does but it is a sign of exhaustion and overwhelm, when it all becomes to much it is hard to parent as gently as we would wish to. I wonder if I am trying to excuse it by linking in to pmt, but it is definitely worse around then. I want there to be an answer for it but I’m not sure there is. I too apologise to my son after - rupture and repair but I wish I could control it better but sometimes it happens so quickly.
Thank you for sharing this. It is important we know that we are not alone.
Yes, it happens so quickly, and I too wish at times control would come easier. I can totally imagine that our hormones play a part. Cheers to being more gentle with ourselves. Thank you for taking the time to read this piece and connect.
Oh I feel every word of this... I could have written it all and have been here time after time... the cycle of rage, reaction, shame, love... it goes round and round and yet I still can’t break it... maybe I’m not supposed to... but I am so grateful for this sharing because in a world that tells us it’s not OK to be this version it is incredibly freeing and healing to know it’s not just me that has this ‘dark secret’...
Lauren, thank you for connecting over this piece. I also really love, how at the end of the cycle is "love." It feels like a good reminder that we can always make it back there even when the other emotions and experiences are present too. And Yes, no more dark secrets. Grateful for your connection, thank you.
I resonate with this so much. So many mornings of attempting to calm the inner turmoil and having it bubble over so intensely onto my littles. It’s not about the shoes but the shoes or the teeth or the one last task to get out the door and the wrenches thrown by our littles into getting to the other side of drop off. For the peace we need to refill with our love so we can give it back to them.
I have found a lot of comfort in the thought of “parenting is a long series of rupture and repair” and all relationships really. We will always stray from connection, ruptures and miscommunication happen and the rage piles up. We return again and again to repair.
In my eyes and right mind. This is us grappling with our own humanity and our own inherent darkness we work so hard to keep hidden. By showing our real, and communicating our failing to manage it but acknowledging the efforts to remain calm and honoring the fact that we all have these dark sides we will indeed help our kids with their own darkness. They will have seen all sides of us and will see how we treat ourselves after. It is a long game but I believe the more we accept the rage and repair within ourselves to see it as human and that forgiveness and grace are part of the repair, perhaps our littles will be able to navigate their anger from a place of acceptance rather than resistance.
Thank you for speaking about your rage. I have held so much shame over mine. Thank you🙏🏼 Rae
Yes, the shame is real, may we all find ways to release it! I love the sentiment “parenting is a long series of rupture and repair” and feel that so deeply in my bones. When the fog lifts, I too try and reach out to that knowing. I also really love the idea of our littles learning from us on how to navigate their little emotional worlds, may we all be able to sit in the sea of acceptance and more love. Thank you for reading and connecting.
This like: ‘In one quick moment, I hear a small voice coming from somewhere, “Stay with love.” ‘ - wow, I felt that. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed with the feeling that everything must be proven, accounted for, quantified and justified, but this - staying with love - is so often The Only Thing that helps.
Ohh I so relate that your experience of moving towards wanting the feelings to be proven and justified, it is such a tender dance. Thank you for reading and connecting.
I can relate to your words so so much, the rage that just comes out as a huge roar. Thank you for putting into words how this rage feels and what's behind it. It's not just a simple matter of calming down and not getting angry, it runs way deeper than that. I really struggled with anger for the first probably 7 years or so of motherhood, it's only since I've had my 3rd chikd that I'm not as angry...that might be because my cycle hasn't returned to normal yet though! I became aware of the work of Dr Caroline Boyd and she reframes anger as overwhelm, and our anger as mums is a very real response to how society just does not support mums. And how we need to give ourselves compassion when we are angry. It is so so hard and I'm just so glad that you've put words to this as we should be talking more about anger as mums. I wrote a post about maternal anger a few months ago, it felt good to get it off my chest! X
Yes! I so resonate with the feelings about "our anger as mums is a very real response to how society just does not support mums." Thank you for naming that. I would love to read your post!
I so feel all of this. I have written about rage before with my two and I feel like it links to my menstrual cycle, which it does but it is a sign of exhaustion and overwhelm, when it all becomes to much it is hard to parent as gently as we would wish to. I wonder if I am trying to excuse it by linking in to pmt, but it is definitely worse around then. I want there to be an answer for it but I’m not sure there is. I too apologise to my son after - rupture and repair but I wish I could control it better but sometimes it happens so quickly.
Thank you for sharing this. It is important we know that we are not alone.
Yes, it happens so quickly, and I too wish at times control would come easier. I can totally imagine that our hormones play a part. Cheers to being more gentle with ourselves. Thank you for taking the time to read this piece and connect.
Thank you for sharing your words Leesha, our words, my words - I will be kinder to myself after the rage has dispersed going forward! ✨⭕️
I love this Claire, may we all be kinder to ourselves! Thank you for taking the time to read and connect.
Oh I feel every word of this... I could have written it all and have been here time after time... the cycle of rage, reaction, shame, love... it goes round and round and yet I still can’t break it... maybe I’m not supposed to... but I am so grateful for this sharing because in a world that tells us it’s not OK to be this version it is incredibly freeing and healing to know it’s not just me that has this ‘dark secret’...
Grateful for your words. Xxx
Lauren, thank you for connecting over this piece. I also really love, how at the end of the cycle is "love." It feels like a good reminder that we can always make it back there even when the other emotions and experiences are present too. And Yes, no more dark secrets. Grateful for your connection, thank you.
I resonate with this so much. So many mornings of attempting to calm the inner turmoil and having it bubble over so intensely onto my littles. It’s not about the shoes but the shoes or the teeth or the one last task to get out the door and the wrenches thrown by our littles into getting to the other side of drop off. For the peace we need to refill with our love so we can give it back to them.
I have found a lot of comfort in the thought of “parenting is a long series of rupture and repair” and all relationships really. We will always stray from connection, ruptures and miscommunication happen and the rage piles up. We return again and again to repair.
In my eyes and right mind. This is us grappling with our own humanity and our own inherent darkness we work so hard to keep hidden. By showing our real, and communicating our failing to manage it but acknowledging the efforts to remain calm and honoring the fact that we all have these dark sides we will indeed help our kids with their own darkness. They will have seen all sides of us and will see how we treat ourselves after. It is a long game but I believe the more we accept the rage and repair within ourselves to see it as human and that forgiveness and grace are part of the repair, perhaps our littles will be able to navigate their anger from a place of acceptance rather than resistance.
Thank you for speaking about your rage. I have held so much shame over mine. Thank you🙏🏼 Rae
Yes, the shame is real, may we all find ways to release it! I love the sentiment “parenting is a long series of rupture and repair” and feel that so deeply in my bones. When the fog lifts, I too try and reach out to that knowing. I also really love the idea of our littles learning from us on how to navigate their little emotional worlds, may we all be able to sit in the sea of acceptance and more love. Thank you for reading and connecting.
Thank you for this beautiful, painful, sand oh-so-relatable morning scene. ❤️
This like: ‘In one quick moment, I hear a small voice coming from somewhere, “Stay with love.” ‘ - wow, I felt that. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed with the feeling that everything must be proven, accounted for, quantified and justified, but this - staying with love - is so often The Only Thing that helps.
Ohh I so relate that your experience of moving towards wanting the feelings to be proven and justified, it is such a tender dance. Thank you for reading and connecting.
I could have written this myself. My son is also four. Sitting right here with you in this feeling. ❤️🩹
Happy to be connected in it. Thank you for reading.
I can relate to your words so so much, the rage that just comes out as a huge roar. Thank you for putting into words how this rage feels and what's behind it. It's not just a simple matter of calming down and not getting angry, it runs way deeper than that. I really struggled with anger for the first probably 7 years or so of motherhood, it's only since I've had my 3rd chikd that I'm not as angry...that might be because my cycle hasn't returned to normal yet though! I became aware of the work of Dr Caroline Boyd and she reframes anger as overwhelm, and our anger as mums is a very real response to how society just does not support mums. And how we need to give ourselves compassion when we are angry. It is so so hard and I'm just so glad that you've put words to this as we should be talking more about anger as mums. I wrote a post about maternal anger a few months ago, it felt good to get it off my chest! X
Yes! I so resonate with the feelings about "our anger as mums is a very real response to how society just does not support mums." Thank you for naming that. I would love to read your post!
It's so helpful digging deeper into what's causing the anger I feel. Oh thank you - here's my post if you'd like a read: https://open.substack.com/pub/jennafolarin/p/im-not-angry-im-overwhelmed?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web